Top 10 Worst Christmas Songs

Ah, it’s Christmas time, my favorite time of the year. Everyone seems to be a little nicer and a little more giving. You know its Christmas when you cut someone off in your car and a sheepish smile admitting your guilt is enough to gain forgiveness. It is also Christmas when you start to hear Christmas songs on every radio station from Hip Hop to Country. And generally that is a great thing. But we all know that you some songs are beyond tolerable. You know, the songs that make you change the channel before the Third note is played, or in some cases the third bark. I will probably take some heat for some of my choices but this is my list and you are free to comment. I’ve found videos for all the songs save it be one, but I’m betting you don’t want to see a video for it. Go ahead play the video and read my comments, I’m positive you won’t want to watch or listen to the whole song. So enjoy and I pray none of these songs get stuck in your head.

10. I want an Alien for Christmas, Fountains of Wayne

I am a fan of Fountains of Wayne, they have some great songs, Stacy’s mom is not included, but their self titled album is a must. This song however is just bad; I had not heard it until this year when Brittany introduced it to me because painfully she has to listen to it multiple times a day while working at Claires Boutique. Not sure why they chose to sing about Aliens and Christmas but hey, if it’s good enough for Claires…

9. Santa Looked A Lot Like Daddy, Buck Owens

This song has been covered by Brad Paisley and Garth Brooks and both of them managed to pull of a song that sounds just as bad as the original by Buck Owens. It’s cheesy but not the fun cheesy that some Christmas songs can pull off. The country twang does not do anything to help this song. I’m sure Rascal Flatts will cover it next year.

8. Christmas Shoes, Newsong

I’m prepared for the backlash I will receive for putting this song on the list. But this song is just forced sadness to me. Originally made for a made for TV movie starring the recent king of cheesy made for TV movies Rob Lowe (you’ll always have a home on the Lifetime: Television for Woman). And what is with the name of the band, “Newsong”, sounds like whoever put this song together for the movie couldn’t figure out a name for the fake band that sings it, should have gone with The Tear Jerker’s, or The Sad Heart Singers. Okay, I have flamed this song enough and I know at least three people that read this probably would put this in their Top 10 Christmas Song list.

7. Baby its Cold Outside, Dolly Parton and Rod Stewart

I don’t know who thought putting these two together for a duet was a good idea, but I’m pretty sure they were fired the second this song was released. Rod Stewart is, well, Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton sounds like all the plastic surgery she has had makes it impossible for her to open her mouth all the way. But then again, that may be a good thing. Only a country station in Cleveland would find it appropriate to play this little gem every hour or so.

6. Walkin’ Round in Women’s Underwear, Bob Rivers

I didn’t find a video for this song, in fact, I didn’t look. I can only imagine how disturbing that google search would be. This is just a Christmas comedy song that tries to be clever and funny and ends up being neither. When I first heard this song several years ago I thought it would be a one season thing, but it continues to persist. I guess there is enough people out there with a horrible sense of humor to keep this train wreck of a song going.

This top 5 is epic; these songs are so terrible they make you wish someone was clawing on a chalkboard just to distract you.

5. All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth, Spike Jones

I dare you to listen to this whole song. I heard it on the radio and almost drove into a telephone pole, I was stunned by awfulness. This song is from the 40’s and I refuse to believe that this is the best that generation had to offer. Is there anything more annoying than an adult trying to sound like a kid that is missing their two front teeth? Since this is not the number 1 song, apparently there is.

4. Barking Dog Jingle Bells, Some Dogs (I guess)

Everyone has had that neighbor who’s dog barks all night especially when you want some sleep. So why would anyone enjoy a version of that, that sounds like Jingle Bells? Beats me, but millions of albums with this song on it have been sold and millions of toy dogs that bark out jingle bells have been sold. To be fair, I hate dogs, but I sure wouldn’t want an album full of cats meowing out Christmas songs. Songs like this are why other countries hate America.

3. Dominick the Donkey, Lou Monte

Maybe it’s an Italian thing, I don’t know. But this song is so out there, I don’t really know what to say other than who thinks to write a song about a Christmas donkey? All those He Haws are so annoying my head aches just thinking about it. I’m thinking about writing a song about a Hanukah Turtle, we’ll see how that goes.

2. White Christmas, Neil Diamond

Ay, ay, I think this song is just plain miserable. Neil Diamond hit a Horrible Holiday Homerun on this piece of work. You can’t help but break out in laughter with every word of this abomination of a cover. White Christmas is a classic and just about anyone and everyone has covered it successfully but wow, Neil Diamond is in a class all of his own on this one. I know my mother is laughing right now, just like she does every time this song comes on.

1. I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, Gayla Peevey

Remember when I asked if there was anything worse than an adult trying to sound like a child? We’ll here’s the answer, this kid is. My word, this voice is about the most painful I’ve ever heard. I hope for this girl’s sake she grew out of it. Is she singing through her nose, because it sounds that way? And just so you know little girl hippopotamus’ kill more people than any other animal, do your research.

I hope you enjoyed this little list, feel free to add your most hated songs to the list or give me a piece of your mind for putting your favorite song on here.